dialupmodem: quick have sex with me i’ll explain later
Anonymously try to seduce me.
Bonus points if you do it as a fictional character of your choice. Seriously, those ones are fun.
onedirectionfangirlproblems: usa gets silver: russia gets silver: chinese get silver: british get bronze:
meganski23: I honestly just remembered this story but my neighbour runs a hotel with a library where they have a “take a book, leave a book” policy and one day he went into the library to find that the shelves had been completely cleared out, nothing was left except for one little thing. What was left behind, you ask? A single copy of The Book Thief.
moriarty: infinisea: moriarty: that beautiful burst of anxiety and adrenaline when you do something extremely immoral Living up to your url
lovesolitudes: i actually feed on intelligence i love it when people know a lot about a lot of things about music, films, religion, beliefs, history i love listening to peoples opinions i love big words i want to suck in all these smart things like a sponge
I was almost crying, then I was seething with rage and now I can’t stop giggling at my boobs.
sixthgunforlife: the-devils-beast: nicodoublele: when you have so many ideas, but no talent When you have so much talent, but no ideas When you have no ideas and no talent. When you have peanut butter and no jelly.
hairandglasses: demmonz: demmonz: Reblog this if you want Hawkeye in The Avengers 2, played only by Jeremy Renner and with a better development of his character I wanna see if I’m alone here well, it seems I’m not alone here, now how do we let Marvel knows about this? finally, a good use for this thing
ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE SHITS
fallenangelflonne: rosenkristall: TUMBLR AND IT’S FUTURE IS AT STAKE HERE SIGN AND REBLOG IF YOU WANT TO SAVE TUMBLR FROM YAHOO SIGNAL BOOST Yahoo purportedly wants to incorporate its products as features of the site. I don’t know about you, but… Yahoo’s products are pretty shitty and I’d rather not be forced to use them if I want to continue using this site
best-of-funny: vulpiss: datkarkatass: ...
aesthetic-dissonance: sagihairius: My mom just informed me that my first word was “quote” so I’m going to make sure my last word before I die will be “unquote” you have been blessed with a rare and epic opportunity
grimdarkthroes: no spaghetti straps- BOYS WILL BE DISTRACTED!! no tight pants- BOYS CAN’T FOCUS! no shorts- BOYS WON’T BE ABLE TO LEARRRRRRN! Jesus christ if a woman’s body is so fucking distracting maybe we need to figure out a way to teach boys to focus in the face of- gasp- exposed skin!
theselener: theselener: theselener: what’s the richest kind of air billionaire i lost 2 followers from this in like 6 seconds
thepensivebrony: “you shouldn’t be depressed, people have it worse than you” finally, after years of searching, the person with the worst life ever is found. formally, they are granted permission to be sad. but only them. only they have earned it. no sads for anyone else at all ever
pastelmorgue: eradicategirlhate: you ever thought that maybe the reason girls say they’re fine when they’re not, or they’re not mad when they are, is because the second they show any semblance of emotion they’re written off as hysterical bitches that are probably on their period? THE FUCKING DA VINCI CODE HAS BEEN CRACKED
rabioheab: if you take the letters from “OBAMA” and change them to numbers based on what number that letter is in the alphabet then you get 15 2 1 13 1, which adds up to 32 which is the current age of former backstreet boy nick carter. if that doesn’t scare you, then you don’t know the true meaning of fear.
Sometimes I just wonder what happened to Axl Rose’s face.
before people get to know me: Oh my god you're so shy...and quiet...it's adorable
after we become friends: DEAR GOD DO YOU EVER SHUT UP
1. Kids don’t drop out of school, they’re pushed out because the knowledge is...– Quotes by Uzma Shakir - Muslim woman and feminist. (via yourfriendlycomrade)
do-not-feed-the-animal: i-am-fangirl-hear-me-squeel: captainamerica-in-middle-earth: tardisinshire: starllex: starllex: why is blood so hard to wash off of your hands? I JUST REALIZED HOW BAD THIS SOUNDS FOR THE RECORD I HAD A NOSE BLEED IM NOT A SERIAL KILLER hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood. just fyi do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight...
mermaidsandmisandry: things i dont need in my life: wasps those stringy things on the banana commercials on youtube
Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
Hussie: You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
Once-ler: You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
Cuil Theory: You have two cows. I give you a hamburger.
Oprah Winfrey: You get a cow! And you get a cow! Everybody gets a cow!
Mushu: Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow.
Star Trek is nearly 50 years old now and it’s been around for so long because I...– Simon Pegg, about Star Trek. Can Simon Pegg direct Star Trek instead on Abrams because PEGG FUCKING GETS IT (via svealand)